I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
