Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
