Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
