sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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