I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
