I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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