I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
