Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
