im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
