I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
