he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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