She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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