I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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