I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
