One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
