Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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