watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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