I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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