I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Let's get the cat blown out
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
