just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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