Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
