I can tuck mytits in my pants
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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