when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
