did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
