Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
