dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
