I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
