So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
