also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My vagina is officially offended.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
