is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
