she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
