We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
wow bdsm is so cute
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