Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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