new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
