i was born a porn star she said
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Mom said you looked used
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
