Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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