SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
