I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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