Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
