Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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