This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
