she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
