4 words: hood of his car
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
