She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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