Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
