dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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