'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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