Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
