i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
