We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
