yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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